The Worst Hide and Seek Conditions

Step One: Procure yourself a hide-and-seek playing location. I suggest a house where there are dozens of hiding places for a four year old, and three for a six foot tall 22-year-old.

Step Two: Procure yourself a hide-and-seek partner. Choose an intelligent four-year-old who knows all the hiding places in her house and can fit in the majority of them.

Step Three: Procure yourself a "challenge." I suggest a 14-month-old who is just learning to talk, and coos and babbles all day long. Oh yeah-- she doesn't like the dark and gets noisily confused every time you carry her into a closet and shut the door.

Step Four: Add a second challenge. Playful German Shepherds (the dog, not European sheepherders) are particularly effective. Said dog should follow you around and sniff/whine at the doors of the closets you go inside.

Step Five: Play hide-and-seek! Tell the four-year-old to count to thirty, and run off while she counts as fast as she can, accidentally skipping from 23 to 27. Ask her to count again, because you've barely gotten yourself and the baby out of the room. She does, and you find a bathroom door to hide behind. You pull the door as close to you as you can, and the one-year-old is intrigued. Hey look, the door MOVES! She wants to play with that. She pushes at the door. You pull it towards you, grab her hand, and help her to "dance" to keep her distracted. This works for a minute, at which point the dog is whining by the bathroom, the four-year-old is close by, and the one-year-old wants to say "Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba brrrrrrrr." (That last collection of letters represents the recently learned lip-trill trick.) Then the baby grabs the door, and holds it as she peeks her head out, says "BA!" and gives away the clever hiding place.

I love babysitting.